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Question Mark

By. Rohmat Sholihin*

Writing someone that never ends, on a used paper, in a diary, in a bus station toilet, in a railway station toilet, school bench. “You’re too sweet for me, sweet in sailing an old quote, love doesn’t mean to possesed”. Then I was sigh all day long, at noon, in the evening and at night, back to morning again. You stayed in my frozen minds always. Like a statue on my head. Asked me to play with all type of letters. Forced me to write your name, your nose, your ears, your hair, your eyes, your lips, even your legs and hands. You waved your hands following the winds blow, make a story like a serial that never ends, tired, long and boring.
“You know ? Bring a statue on my head is very tired !” I said. Among  the blue twilight that talked to Kening river, my hand took a small stone which doesn’t beautiful anymore, faint and not adorable. “You are faint river stone, get ready to thrown by me into Kening river. Feel the great wave which bring old memories go away and disappeared” I said to that faint stone caused of chemical liquids from any kind of household waste, many deposit of rubbishes in the corner of bamboo tree that shady and fresh before must be crushed by the human desire. Really like a red moon in Kening river. The water is not pure anymore.
“Even tired, you have memories. And the memories like a history. Notes from what you have thought, said and done by the human” said that staute.
“Up to you, that notes make me complicated, my heart more sick, I just remember you in a shadow like a statue. Always follow me where I go” my heart screamed.
“Hahaha…. Then why you bring me everywhere you go” said the statue.
“Because…. I…. ?”
“Because what? I’m just curious. That’s all.”
“Why you still ask me, Do you also feel it, don’t you? Every minutes never pass by to write about you. Even, I ever ask you to be my lover. Here in Kening river. Don’t you feel that ? Don’t you listen to your trembling heart ? You’re so selfish !”
“Never mind, even just a little, at least you feel it too”

I couldn’t read the smile on your lips, “I realize that you’re just a small statue that sit on my head, but you are everything more that I have. You mean so much to me. You like a rain and a rainbow that never end yet”.
“My heart keeps telling naughty. Painting a romantic story like a couple of lover who miss each other in the bank of the river.
“You are still waiting for me?” I asked.
“Why you look so shy?”
“Why do you stare me like that? Tickling my handwriting and correcting my freedom?”
“Because you like a history that keep moving and dinamic”.
“Hello history, since when you interested in history?”
“Since I’ve taken apart in your head”
“What the hell, your crime never  forgiven. Go to your grave stone ! just gone away and we are impasse”
“Don’t you look for me ?”
“No, Your charm is gone. I mind” I said clearly.
“If you forced your mind, it will make your heart breathless to hold your herat pressure”
“Never mind, I don’t care about it”

A fighting in minds world needed some sollutions. It was an idea. Ideas about you had made a statue in my head.  Crowded in my brain nerves. They went everywhere like a parasite, stick and hard to release. I don’t know how much time that I need to release the meaning of it. If old proverb said that love replied with love was true, I did it. Writing your story in the letter of Kening river. Is it not enough?”
If it can’t satisfy you, I’m just a human. I only can tell about everything that can tell. Love is about heart. Human can’t present love. Because love is only God knows. Human is blind about love. Human only have heart. They just can feel it.  And the decision is in God’s hand. I don’t know, I will keep your statue in my head, walking along the river bank which full of memories. And I will carve it in the human history notes.

Rohmat Sholihin is a writer living in Bangilan-Tuban. Teacher and active in Kali Kening Community Bangilan.

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